


Shake What's Left of Me Loose

by poeta_n_sonhador



Category: True Detective
Genre: Angst, M/M, Marty's still blind about himself, Mentions of 2002 crisis, Mentions of Alcohol Abuse, Mentions of the case in 2006, Nightmares, Post-Carcosa (True Detective Season 1), Slow Burn, They were living together, after 2012 or so, being vulnerable, dream - Freeform, post-season, protective Rust, tags may be added more, traumas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24337057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeta_n_sonhador/pseuds/poeta_n_sonhador
Summary: Half of his face was gone, and the other half was totally crushed. Just like 1995. Just like Ledoux.
Relationships: Rustin "Rust" Cohle & Martin "Marty" Hart, Rustin "Rust" Cohle/Martin "Marty" Hart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Shake What's Left of Me Loose

_Come with me, sweetheart._  
Childress said. Half of his face was gone, and the other half was totally crushed. Just like 1995. Just like Ledoux.

Marty saw the baby on the cold ground. It cried out loud, with the mouth opened wide. That little body was naked and incredibly destroyed. Marty remembered clearly how that happened and it made him almost throw up. He stretched his hand so that he could hold the baby in his arm but he couldn't. The blood streamed down in the middle of his chest and the lungs felt like tearing apart into two pieces. Tears were gathered in his eyes.

Childress crawled slowly towards the baby. His every motion looked like a predator reaching to poor prey. Marty grabbed his gun in his hands. He put his forefinger on the trigger. _Shoot him._ A voice behind his head whispered. _Shoot that fucking face so that he can't even touch his fucking finger to the little one._

So he tried. One shoot and everything will be finished.  
Except he couldn't. His looked at the point and realized how much it was trembling. His two hands were shaking so violently. No matter how he fixed the positions the point was too unsteady to make it clearly. He had butterflies in his stomach. He really wanted to throw up.

Childress raised up his axe. The little one was lying down on his dirty feet. Childress started to laugh before his last stroke. So loud, so creepy that his voice echoed in Marty's head. Marty felt so small and so weak. And so desperate because it was obvious that he can't save the poor life. Still, his forefinger didn't move and the point was trembling.

He closed his eyes when the axe was stuck down.

_Marty._

And the familiar voice was calling him. Marty opened his eyes and gasped. He twitched his body as soon as he woke up but the hands was holding his shoulders, almost pinning him onto the mattress.

“Marty, look at me. You just had a fucking nightmare. You woke up. And you're safe.”

Rust was saying. Rust was looking down at him. Rust was telling him that everything's okay. Marty stopped twitching, but his breath was still too fast. Rust didn't let go of his hands from Marty's shoulders. But he loosend his grip and slowly soothed. Marty closed eyes again and pulled away Rust's fingers softly. He got up himself. The blanket was sticky.

“You alright?”  
“Yeah.”  
“No, you're not.”  
“Shut the fuck up, Rust.”

Marty snapped, and then he said. 

“Sorry. I was just–”  
“Wanna get some water or something?”

He asked. Marty nodded. Rust got out of the bed and went to the kitchen. Meanwhile Marty wiped out his damp forehead and his eyes. His breathing slowed down, but the hands were still shaking.

Rust came back with a glass of water. Marty was a little afraid for a second that he could spill the water, but thankfully Rust wrapped his shoulders and put the glass over Marty's lips. Marty slowly drank the whole amount. 

“I'm not a child.” Marty grumbled, though he wanted to say _thank you._  
“You sometimes acts like a pestering kid though.” Rust put down the glass on the drawer next to their bed. And then he turned his head.

“So you wanna talk?”  
“About what?”  
“The dream. If you want.”

Marty thought for a moment. He had mentioned _that case_ in 2006 before, yes. But it was just a brief explanation because he had not wanted to describe more than that. Besides, has he ever said anything more about that crazy undercover in '95? About what left of him after that? In fact, Marty himself didn't know what it was. But it was... something. Something remained somewhere inside his head and it was growing to be a hole. The dark hole that does nothing but always stares at him. Marty could feel it as soon as he turned his eyes a bit. He didn't fucking know how to call it. That was the problem. Something unknown was growing but he couldn't face it. It's like taking away his breath from his lungs.

“No. It was... you know, the fucking tunnels.”

Marty brokenly laughed. Rust stared at him for a while and Marty hated it. It felt like scanning every ounce of what his mind is thinking, even a tiny thing he didn't notice that it was there. Did he also catch the hole too?

But Rust just told him to go back to sleep, it's two and half in the morning. Marty nodded and put his on the pillow. He turned toward the wall and closed his eyes. There was a sound that Rust was lying down next to him, too. Marty gripped the blanket with his unsteady hands. It felt a bit guilty.

-

Rust was staring at the wall for a half minutes or so. Marty seemed to fall asleep again, considering his breath was now slow and sound. But his whole body was still trembling a little.

It was one of the weird patterns that appeared when Marty woke up in the middle of the night.  
Typically he shortly mentioned what the dream was and what he felt, just after he woke up. Like _the shitty fucking face and you're calling me for at least 100 times._

But this dream seemed not to be similar to that.  
Rust didn't know what the hell is but he was pretty sure that Marty sometimes has this kinda dream and is reluctant to talk. He said _Carcosa_ , yes, but Rust had brilliant eyes that can distinguish lies and truths. And it was _partly_ true, but not the whole thing was.

He sighed. He turned his back towards Marty and put his hands on Marty's back. As he smoothly made circles with his fingers, Marty's body slowly stopped shaking and became calm.

**Author's Note:**

> As I said in Twitter, I think Marty also has experienced some kinda deep violence(idk this word is correct), just like Rust had.  
> But unlike Rust(He also has his own traumas, of course), all of those happenings were so shocking that the traumas were piled onto him. Not just about Carcosa or 2002 crisis, but also 1995 undercover and the case in 2006 that made him retire. 
> 
> But I don't think that Marty can deal with himself because he is still blind to himself. If there's only one person that can notice what's inside of Marty Hart, that would be Rust Cohle.
> 
> And I wanted to talk about the case happened in 2006 because the show shorted it, letting Marty shortly mentioned it to Rust in '12 when he was asked to explain the reason he retired the job. But it really looked like one of the significant events in Marty Hart's life. That case made him decide to retire, and can we really be sure that the case left nothing to Marty's mind? At least mymind says 'no'.
> 
> Chapters and tags will be added later! Thank you for reading this poor writing.
> 
> P.S. The title and each chapter name are lyrics from 'Neptune' by Sleeping At Last.
> 
> link below:  
> https://youtu.be/Cxtsm4jLVjk


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